This past year has to have been one of the most difficult years of my life.

This past year, I lost a lot of very good people. I’m honestly the worst at keeping people close to me anyways. It’s to be expected that in 2016 I gained so many amazing people and then the following year to see them leave. I can’t say that it still doesn’t hurt, because every time I think about it, it still stings.

This past year, I realized I do have amazing lifetime friends in my life. I only grew to love them more as I went through my few months of difficult times.

This past year, everyone kept telling me I would get over the pain, the aching in my heart. Well, it is now 2018 and my heart is still aching. My heart aches for the people that over looked me. My heart aches for the ones telling me I wasn’t good enough. My heart aches for my dreams being crushed. My heart aches for my friends being told the same things over and over. My heart just aches for the people who manipulated me and my friends. One day you will realize what you have done and you will feel guilty, wanting to fix everything you’ve done.

This past year, I truly realized that the world is a gross place. People suck. Well, I kind of already knew that but, I now know more than ever. My dreams will never become reality. I’m going to be stuck in a shitty job, going home to a husband who just came home from a shitty job, eating leftovers, and living a boring life.

This past year has only ever made me a “stronger” person. I will eventually rebuild myself and do something even greater than the destiny I thought I had.

As we start 2018, I would like to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I shut down. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for people I care about. I’m sorry I let so many people down this past year. I only hope that we can all be better people in 2018.

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Boys to Men

Boys are such a broad topic and I honestly could rant about them for hours. You have the immature boys who think that having a thick bitch and no job is the best thing they can do, the cheaters who can’t keep a girl for more than a week at a time, the Tinder boys who only downloaded the app to sleep with girls or to see how badly they can hurt a girl, and then the ten men who exist in the world that are in a committed relationship.

You can call a boy a man when he turns a certain age if you would like. I just personally think the title of man should be earned. Most every boy in their 20s is a piece of trash who doesn’t realize that love is a real thing.

Those boys who are in a long term relationship but take it for granted make me so angry. I’ve had many friends tell me they can’t stand their boyfriend because he’s lazy or doesn’t care for her anymore. I don’t understand why she stays with him. I know there is the whole, “But I’ve been with him for three years.” sort of thing. You are only here on this planet for a short period of time. Why are you wasting it with someone that doesn’t make you happy?

I’m one of the luckier people who has a boyfriend and didn’t have to go through Tinder or dating apps to get a boyfriend. I met mine in high school and we actually went on dates before becoming official. I would rather go through the old fashion way of getting to know someone than just texting or messaging someone through a cell phone. I think the one reason girls can’t find a good boy is that the good boys are not on Tinder. Those boys are there to take advantage of girls. Again, I never swiped right on someone to tell you if they are good or not.

If you are still with someone that cheated on you, I have no words to express how I feel. Basically, you may have been their first choose but if there was a second, you’re not that important to them.

Yes, some girls will waste boys’ time. I don’t really understand the point in wasting someone’s time. Dating is literally to find your soulmate who you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you don’t want that, don’t date and waste someone’s time. If you aren’t fully committed to someone, be upfront about it. Just don’t string someone along.

Those very few men that exist are in a committed relationship because they earned that title of MAN through being grown up about relationships. If you want to be a slut, be a slut but don’t string someone along just because you know they will have sex with you. Feelings are a real thing.

Also, can these little boys stop trying to dress like they are Kanye West and Justin Bieber? You look like idiots. Whatever happened to class?

You can comment all you want how bias I am. I dang well know I am. It’s my personal feelings on the matter. I’m not going to comment on your opinion and say it’s wrong. It’s an OPINION, not a fact. Go back to grade school if you don’t know the difference between the two.

End Rant. Thanks.

Featured Image is taken from Pinterest

Story Time: Joining Greek Life

In spring 2016, I was sucked into going to a recruitment event for a sorority. I tried to go into this open minded. I knew for a fact I had to open up more and not be my usual awkward self. The only thing on my mind going through this was, “Don’t say anything to these girls that will make them question why you were asked to come.”

I didn’t know anything about Greek life. I never thought I would want to join an organization like a sorority. I was a part of the fashion association and the visual merchandising club at the time. I thought that I needed to make friends with the fashion majors because my mom told me I needed to have contacts to fall back on. If I wanted to make it in the fashion industry, I needed connections. I’m now a junior and I’ve only really made two friends who are going in the fashion industry.  It’s not surprising they are in the same sorority as me.

The main reason I decided to go to this recruitment event was because a girl in my visual class told me I should come and meet some of her sisters. I told her I would think about it because it’s something I never thought I would do.

After meeting the five people that showed up to the event, I fell in love. Crazy enough, these five people will be in my family line. The frog fam was the main reason I wanted to join. I had a long talk with my parents before going to another event. They told me that if it was something I wanted to do to just do it.

I ended up chickening out on wing night. I just couldn’t see myself being a sorority girl. I was the not so popular girl in high school. I never had many friends. I didn’t really get along with females because they would always talk crap about each other or they would get jealous easily. Don’t get me wrong, I like talking shit every once and a while. I’m a pretty petty person. I just don’t enjoy when you’re supposed to be friends and then you talk utter crap on them. It just doesn’t make sense. I didn’t want to deal with that again.

My friend from visual contacted me again over summer asking if I was still interested in Greek life. I, again, told her I was thinking about it. At this point, I had no idea it costs so much to join or that there were classes or tests or even rituals. I knew NOTHING about it. I wanted to learn a little bit more about what I was getting into so I started researching IUP’s Greek Life. There are 11 sororities on campus. I kept thinking, “That is so many girls to try and impress.” I didn’t know that Theta Phi Alpha already liked me.

I went to kickoff in the fall of 2016. I was scared, nervous, and also excited. I sat beside a girl who was way prettier than myself. She asked if I would mind walking around to meet everyone. We both had a sorority in mind but we wanted to make sure we were making the right decision. I really liked three other sororities but once I went back to Theta Phi Alpha, the girls still knew who I was and asked if I was still coming out to their recruitment events. I nodded as I knew I was going to theirs because I was already comfortable with some of the girls.

I was on the phone with my mom for hours trying to decide if I wanted to visit all the sororities or just go to Theta Phi Alpha’s event. I didn’t know you needed to visit them twice before being considered a bid. I began getting stressed out and told my mom I was going to just visit Theta Phi Alpha and try to get a feel if I like them.

I fell right back into love with these girls. I meet more girls and every single one was so nice and welcoming. They knew I was nervous but tried their best to get me to open up. I came prepared with questions and they were so amazing at answering every single one. I, of course, was the last person to leave the event because I honestly didn’t want to leave. That dang frog fam and their charm got me every single time.

I wasn’t going to go to the second event due to the fact of dues. I told my parents how much it costs. I could have paid for the first semester but then I couldn’t pay the whole second semester. I was crying on the phone with my parents and talking to my boyfriend about the situation. Eventually, my dad told me that if I wanted to be in the sorority that he would help me out.

I was so overjoyed to be able to attend the second recruitment event. I met, even more, girls and they literally became my soulmates. That sounds so cheesy but it was so easy to talk to them. I even talked to some of the other pnms (potential new members) and they were so cool. The one I really liked turned out to be one of my best friends and of course in my family line.

The one girl that sucked me in was a girl who was in fashion merchandising. I was just listing off things I enjoyed doing and she freaked out because we were the same person. We literally did the exact same things in our free time. She is actually my best friend and I’m so glad she was there that night because I was getting really antsy talking to one member.

My big is also a HUGE reason I joined. She first off told everyone she wanted me as her little. I don’t think she realized I was still in the room while she was telling people. She was such a sarcastic asshole and reminded me of my best friend back home that I knew she was going to be my person. I’m so grateful she took the time to talk to me every round I went to. She made me feel so relaxed and comfortable.

Getting my bid was one of the most exciting days of my life. I was almost sure they were going to give me a bid but I still got nervous. The day I got it, I internally screamed but I didn’t want to show the girls that I was excited. I don’t really like to show much emotion around people. That day, I bought a frame for my bid so I could point out that people actually like me.

Joining Theta Phi Alpha has really brought me out as a person. I used to be really shy and really insecure about myself. My sisters helped me come out of my shell and accept me for me. I was told I was pretty by family and my boyfriend but I was never called pretty by random people. I thought I was too fat, too tall, too manly looking. I just didn’t enjoy who I was as a person. I wanted to change everything about myself.

Even looking back at my freshman year of college to my sophomore year, you can see the difference in my personality and even my pictures. I look, I guess, happier. College was definitely something I had to get used to. I’m still getting used to it but I feel more confident in myself academic wise and personal wise.

Thank you to my sisters who have been my support system since the day we first met. Thank you for letting me be apart of something bigger than myself. I really enjoy making this world a better place with you group of girls.

Home Vs Home

Heading home after the long spring semester can be rewarding and stressful. You’re excited to go back to your hometown to see family, friends, and pets. You finally are done with another semester, but there is packing, cleaning, and finals you still have to worry about.

You know for a fact your mother is going to yell at you when she comes into your dorm/apartment to see the mess that is still there. Your father remarks on how much stuff you have and wonders why you didn’t take some of the items home in the winter. You told yourself all week you were going to pack some things before your parents got there but, deep down, you knew you were going to wait until last minute.

That last final is about to start. You didn’t study for it because you tried cleaning and you were writing the paper that was due the night before. The anxiety is hitting and you just want out of there. You guess on all 75 of the questions and rush to your room. Your parents are already waiting and you can already hear the lecture.

Once everything is packed, cleaned, and your room is checked, it’s finally time to drive home. You’re almost in tears because you’ve been waiting all semester to go home. Then you remember your friends you’re leaving behind. Yes, they are going home to enjoy a must needed break but it’s so bittersweet. You wish they lived closer to you so you could randomly show up at their door with your problems. You want them to be there when you’re bored so you can go on an adventure. Summer is the time for memories but if your true friends are half way across the state, it’s not as fun.

The first few days back home are great. The terrible roommate is not living in the same place as you anymore. You can finally cuddle with your dog. You can talk to your mom face to face again. Your childhood best friend is reaching out to you. You can start working at your summer job again. You don’t have to cook or have terrible campus food.

A week passes and you start to remember everything that was great about college. You miss your friends, the oak grove on nice days, even the library. You try to ignore the stress you feel during midterms and finals, the projects, the group projects, the papers, the terrible food, just everything. You ignore this because your best friends make everything better. Your friends are your rocks at school. They are people you can shoot a text that you want food and you’re soon getting pizza and watching Netflix together. They are the reason you are sane while at school.

It’s strange how you miss home while you are at college but when you are home, you miss college. Maybe it’s because college has become a second home.