This past year has to have been one of the most difficult years of my life.

This past year, I lost a lot of very good people. I’m honestly the worst at keeping people close to me anyways. It’s to be expected that in 2016 I gained so many amazing people and then the following year to see them leave. I can’t say that it still doesn’t hurt, because every time I think about it, it still stings.

This past year, I realized I do have amazing lifetime friends in my life. I only grew to love them more as I went through my few months of difficult times.

This past year, everyone kept telling me I would get over the pain, the aching in my heart. Well, it is now 2018 and my heart is still aching. My heart aches for the people that over looked me. My heart aches for the ones telling me I wasn’t good enough. My heart aches for my dreams being crushed. My heart aches for my friends being told the same things over and over. My heart just aches for the people who manipulated me and my friends. One day you will realize what you have done and you will feel guilty, wanting to fix everything you’ve done.

This past year, I truly realized that the world is a gross place. People suck. Well, I kind of already knew that but, I now know more than ever. My dreams will never become reality. I’m going to be stuck in a shitty job, going home to a husband who just came home from a shitty job, eating leftovers, and living a boring life.

This past year has only ever made me a “stronger” person. I will eventually rebuild myself and do something even greater than the destiny I thought I had.

As we start 2018, I would like to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I shut down. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for people I care about. I’m sorry I let so many people down this past year. I only hope that we can all be better people in 2018.

Featured Image


Boys to Men

Boys are such a broad topic and I honestly could rant about them for hours. You have the immature boys who think that having a thick bitch and no job is the best thing they can do, the cheaters who can’t keep a girl for more than a week at a time, the Tinder boys who only downloaded the app to sleep with girls or to see how badly they can hurt a girl, and then the ten men who exist in the world that are in a committed relationship.

You can call a boy a man when he turns a certain age if you would like. I just personally think the title of man should be earned. Most every boy in their 20s is a piece of trash who doesn’t realize that love is a real thing.

Those boys who are in a long term relationship but take it for granted make me so angry. I’ve had many friends tell me they can’t stand their boyfriend because he’s lazy or doesn’t care for her anymore. I don’t understand why she stays with him. I know there is the whole, “But I’ve been with him for three years.” sort of thing. You are only here on this planet for a short period of time. Why are you wasting it with someone that doesn’t make you happy?

I’m one of the luckier people who has a boyfriend and didn’t have to go through Tinder or dating apps to get a boyfriend. I met mine in high school and we actually went on dates before becoming official. I would rather go through the old fashion way of getting to know someone than just texting or messaging someone through a cell phone. I think the one reason girls can’t find a good boy is that the good boys are not on Tinder. Those boys are there to take advantage of girls. Again, I never swiped right on someone to tell you if they are good or not.

If you are still with someone that cheated on you, I have no words to express how I feel. Basically, you may have been their first choose but if there was a second, you’re not that important to them.

Yes, some girls will waste boys’ time. I don’t really understand the point in wasting someone’s time. Dating is literally to find your soulmate who you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you don’t want that, don’t date and waste someone’s time. If you aren’t fully committed to someone, be upfront about it. Just don’t string someone along.

Those very few men that exist are in a committed relationship because they earned that title of MAN through being grown up about relationships. If you want to be a slut, be a slut but don’t string someone along just because you know they will have sex with you. Feelings are a real thing.

Also, can these little boys stop trying to dress like they are Kanye West and Justin Bieber? You look like idiots. Whatever happened to class?

You can comment all you want how bias I am. I dang well know I am. It’s my personal feelings on the matter. I’m not going to comment on your opinion and say it’s wrong. It’s an OPINION, not a fact. Go back to grade school if you don’t know the difference between the two.

End Rant. Thanks.

Featured Image is taken from Pinterest

Skinny Friend

I’ve been considered the ‘skinny’ friend my whole life. I was always the lanky, awkward, skinny friend who tried to stay in the background. Many people would call me names or try and put their hand around my waist.

Growing up, I naturally was skinny. I would eat three times a day and snack. I ate like a normal kid my height should eat. The doctor was never worried about my weight and told me I was perfectly healthy. But everyone I knew always would ask me, “Well do you eat?” I was young and had no idea that mental diseases were even a thing. I would be very confused by the question and always answer with a strong yes.

Once I got to high school, which started for me in the 7th grade, I was still naturally skinny but I was gaining weight due to puberty. My parent’s friends started asking them if I was eating enough or that I needed help. They would remark they were just ‘worried’ about me. I grew so annoyed with everyone asking if I was eating enough or throwing up after I ate.

I began to understand eating disorders when one of my best friends started using the restroom every time she was done eating. She honestly thought I wouldn’t notice and eventually, I asked if she was alright. She confessed that she was bulimic and was throwing up after every meal so she could loose weight. She was very open about her disease, which confused me more. I always thought if you had depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or any type of mental disorder, you weren’t supposed to talk about it. Society made me believe you were to keep it quiet.

The day I truly understood mental disorders was the day my first ‘love’ told me he didn’t want me. I was only 13 and I just felt numb. I didn’t feel sadness, anger, or pain. I just locked myself in my room and stared at my walls. I felt nothing. This numb feeling continued until my junior year of high school. I knew my life was complete shit. I knew that everything was my fault. I lost my friends, I shut out my family, I didn’t go out with anyone, I didn’t want to leave my bed. I hated going to school because I knew everyone was staring at me and judging me. I knew they all hated me and there was no point in me being alive.

My whole teenage life, I was in a deep depression. Some days, I would try to fight it but sometimes I couldn’t. With this depression, I gained anxiety. I have yet to shake this. I have terrible test anxiety, I was considered shy but I knew it was because my anxiety was so high. I couldn’t tell anyone because I felt so ashamed of myself. With the shame, I began to stop eating. I would pretend to eat meals in my room but just throw the food away. I hated eating out because I knew I hate to eat more than I usually do. I became so ill. I skipped even more school, I stayed in bed even more than before, I was becoming the person I was afraid to be my whole life.

The sad part was everyone started complimenting my skinnier body. “You look like you could be a model.” is what everyone would tell me. It made me a little bit happier than before. I was starting to feel something but it wasn’t exactly happiness. I was feeling pain, anger, confusion. I was scared that I would end up dead soon.

My junior year of high school, I finally decided to get that boy I have been crushing on forever. Somehow he asked me to the winter dance and I was completely ecstatic. I didn’t eat much when we went out to dinner beforehand. He’s a bit of an idiot and didn’t realize I don’t eat in general.

When we went to prom later that year, he still didn’t understand the reason I got the kids meal. It had the least amount of food. He praised me to his friends. He kept bragging that I was a cheap date.

My senior prom is finally when he realized what I was doing. I was still stick thin and very unhealthy looking. I knew I had to look extra good that day so I ate the smallest amount of food I could so I wouldn’t pass out.

That Monday after prom at school, I nearly passed out in gym class and was told to go to the nurse’s office. The nurse knew exactly what I was doing. She would repeat over and over and asked if I was eating. I knew the answer, she knew the answer. I just couldn’t say the answer. I was sent home that day and I confessed to my mom I haven’t been eating right for years.

I was considered the skinny friend. I had a reputation to uphold. I wanted to be prettier and happier. I thought if I was skinny, I would make friends. I might have been able to keep my friends. I thought I could get a guy’s attention.

It’s been a few years since I overcame many of these mental disorders. My depression and anxiety come back every once and a while but I know how to control myself so they don’t take over my life. I still get the, “Well do you eat?” every once in a blue moon. I may not be as thin as I once was but I’m nowhere near being fat. I’m happy with my thicker thighs and fatter ass. I’m okay that I don’t have a perfect stomach. I’m trying so hard to embrace my stretch marks. I’m so happy that society is changing to where every body type is beautiful. If you are naturally thin, like me, don’t be afraid to be you. You don’t have to gain weight to make yourself feel pretty. Look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are hot as hell.

Embrace being the skinny friend.

Featured Image

Blog Spot

Hi. I guess I should first introduce myself. My name is Mykenzie. I’m from a small town in Pennsylvania, USA. I attend college at Indiana University of Pennsylvania and I study fashion merchandising. I’ll be a junior in the upcoming fall semester.

Besides school, I am in a social sorority, Theta Phi Alpha. As of right now, I hold the position of Panhellenic representative. I go to meetings once a week and take notes on what the other sororities are doing on campus and also things like Greek Week and upcoming meetings. I’m proudly a big to two littles, who will actually graduate before me. I myself am a twin. My big graduated nursing school this spring. Yes, I have cried a lot about her leaving. I’m extremely close to my family line so they might be featured more than they would like.

I don’t really have many hobbies or even interests. I enjoy makeup more than a poor college kid should. I’m very educated on the subject, I just can’t afford the products I want. The only sport I like is hockey. Since I’m from western Pennsylvania, I am a Pittsburgh Penguins fan. I talk about the team like they are my own children. If you’re not from this area, you might not know that the Philadelphia Flyers and Pittsburgh Penguins are rivals. It’s interesting when I make friends who are from the other side of the state and we banter about it. I used to really keep up with the fashion industry when I was younger, but for some reason, I’ve fallen behind.

My main hobby has to include watching TV shows. I almost have a complete problem. The current show I’ve been watching is Sherlock season 4. That show is completely brilliant and if you haven’t given it a try please do. My favorite show is a tie between Doctor Who and Parks and Recreation. I enjoy anything SyFy or any show that is a sitcom. If you have any suggestions please let me know. FYI: I have Amazon Prime and Netflix.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts and ideas on the internet. I do hope you visit my blog again.

Please follow me on social media for more updates on my life and reminders of postings.